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Having adult kids home for Christmas, kids who are deciding an internship, relationships, and other life choices, I’m confronted again with this truth: that while God called me to bring them into the world and raise them with the best that I had to offer, the rest of their story is largely up to their Creator.  Sigh. God’s Spirit is calling me to pry my fingers off of their lives and, instead, submit their (and anyone else I feel led to manage!) journeys to Him. This calls for less judgmentalism, more grace, and, ultimately, a heartfelt trust that God can do His job quite well. I can offer up to Him my belief in His unchanging character and unfailing love. 

Do anxiety and doubt challenge that belief when I realize my kids are making such important life choices, and wonder are they going to be OK?

Yep, there is surely all of that at times: sadness, worry, anxiety and straining. But God is writing His-story, not Melinda’s-story in others’ lives. And although I may feel confounded at what I see going on around me, I want to rest in submitting others’ journeys to Him, trusting in the Creator of Genesis 1 & 2 and Psalm 139.

God, help me to grow into Job’s words in 2012, “I know that You can do all things, and that no thought or purpose of Yours can be restrained or thwarted.” (Job 42:2, The Amplified Bible)

:Listen a lot – without judgment.  Adult kids may want lots of space “on the floor” to tell about their roommate, school activities, crazy workplace stuff or how they are navigating the military lifestyle. Attentive and engaged listening can foster a safe environment for conversations, and you may find yourself having earned their trust enough to hear “Oh, by the way, mom, there’s something that’s going on in my life….” And if you are fortunate, that openness will carry over as they return to their current home.

:Watch – sometimes young adult kids need to posture a bit just to let you know that they are growing up and away. Be a patient, watchful observer.  Show them respect. They are used to their own away-from-home lifestyle and it can take a few days for everyone to get adjusted! I do think it’s important for parents to go along with their own life as much as is practical so that the kids see that they have one!  You’ll mentor for them that adults keep on growing in life. It’s a given that you’ll want to make space for special times like meals in/out, games/movies – whatever fills your family’s tank.

:Adapt – aren’t we always doing that with our growing kids? Your kids may want to faithfully continue family traditions while other traditions may have lost their luster since last Christmas.  It can be helpful for the family to sit down together and list what everyone feels they must do before they leave. We thought our young adults were done with going to the Walnut Room at Macy’s (formerly known as Marshall Field’s!) but that made it on to the list! Do your kids still want to go together to choose a Christmas tree? Have the Christmas breakfast – or sleep in? Do they want extra time to see as many friends as possible before they leave? Leave some “ouch” space in your heart for disappointments, and hopefully, your kids can indulge you in some of your favorite Christmas family traditions. It’s not unfair to ask them to do one for you! But get ready to laugh as it plays out!

Laughter, wisely called the “best medicine,” can come in handy this time of year! (Proverbs 15:13) How are you preparing for young adults kids’ return home for the holidays?

(To read about more challenging relationships, see Gary Chapman’s How to Really Love Your Adult Child.)

As American women, however, living at the surface, rather than digging deeper, is time-honored.  The dissatisfying ritual of superficiality is lived out too often in our conversations at coffee shops, playgroups, book clubs, church small groups. After enough time, superficiality and its good friend, inauthenticity, become the way of the tribe.

What we miss when that happens is the excitement of knowing that God’s Spirit has used us to introduce deeper, engaging thoughts into our friendships – thoughts that open up the mind and the soul of a woman.

Our newer Friday radio format—Millrose Club– models for women what Christian conversations can look like as they go deeper. Four of us discuss a variety of light-hearted as well as spiritually or topically deeper issues.  Women describe how they are challenged, mentored and inspired to deepen their relationships. Listening to us debate, laugh and share openly, they see the possibility of deeper connections around them.

Three authors I know are engaging women online: through a Bible study blog, through intentional spiritual friendships, or through connecting critical thinkers who are kindred spirits, bringing them together via email from across the country. I’m working to engage the internet more intentionally, yet simply, as well. Recently I forwarded a “codependency fable” in an email blast.  One friend responded, “I am in this exact position with someone.  I am paying a very heavy price… and I need to let it go.” How can I enliven others spiritually through the internet? Jane said over dinner, “Thanks for those emails you send. I pass them along.” Our influence fingers its way to places we may never know.

Sadly, many of us greatly underestimate our ability to be a thought leader among those in our circle of influence. Feeling inadequate, silenced or imperfect, we engage at the surface, yet long for the succulent fruits borne of deeper soil. We hang between what we desire and what we feel we can do. Yet, as we begin to refuse superficiality, we notice new opportunities to engage in meaningful thought and spirituality into others.  An empty nester friend surprised me last week by declaring, “Why are we still talking about our kids? I’m so much more than my kids!” I was shocked when two other “together” friends, told me independently that they feel they have lost their way, themselves, while raising “successful” kids. These new vulnerabilities are spiritually renewing our journeys together.

During this season of “the harvest,” may we seek God’s Spirit to lead us, and find ourselves blessed to see what He will bring forth both into ourselves and others, as we courageously dig deeper into our relationships. Vaya con Dios! – go with God!

a round-table discussion with the Moody Radio afternoon program

hosts.  For the first time Anita Lustrea and Melinda Schmidt of

Midday Connection, Chris Fabry and Janet Parshall come together to

answer these questions and much more.  You’ll hear a lot of laughter

and some serious thinking as the family of Moody Radio hosts come

together to reveal their perspectives on talk radio.  Hear this

hour long conversation on the next edition of  “Inside Look.”

For more information about the time this program airs, visit www.insidelook.org 

Go to Insidelook.org for more information and to find out when the program airs near you or how you can stream it.

I’ll be talking with Pam Farrell about her latest book  52 Ways to Wow Your Husband. Anita Lustrea will talk with us about domestic violence. Wow – two really different perspectives on marriage.

“Unafraid”

Watching my children

finding their way

through struggles and triumphs

and heartbreak.

I hope the roads they take

are making them strong.

I’ll still be on my knees

long after they’re gone.

Love has made me unafraid

One morning a couple weeks ago while I was lying in bed, I was thinking of one of my kids…newly far from home…and struggling to find “self.” I could feel the anxiety rising in my throat. I was not looking for a bolt from the sky. I was not looking for the perfect Bible verse. I was just feeling rather miserable for this child whose chosen path I wonder about.

I was surprised when it came to me, “Rest.” Rest – really? But an invitation came to mind from the pages of the Psalmist, “You are my Shepherd. I shall not want. You lead me to green grass and quiet streams.” The call from God’s Spirit was to rest and…to let go. Ugh. There’s the rub.

Since God is Love, I choose to read the last lines of Grant’s song, “I’ll still be on my knees long after they’re gone. God has made me unafraid.” Only God can draw us to a green carpet against our backs as we listen to a quiet stream meandering nearby. Releasing our concerns to Him, we lay back, breathe deeply and open our hands to let go of our child’s cares. And we leave them open to receive God’s goodness and we trust that it will come.

–Amy Grant

Ok, as long as we’re here in the kitchen, let’s ‘fess up! Fill in the blank: “I don’t make a recipe when I see ___________in it!” (eg. how much time it takes, a particular ingredient or kitchen gadget needed)

I would say: coriander, double boiler (b/c I’d have to find it!), prep time longer than 30 minutes…I actually could go on and on…but how about you?

Potato and Leek Galette with Watercress

INGREDIENTS

• 1 large russet potato, peeled and grated (1 1/2 cups)
• 1 small leek, white and pale-green parts only, thinly sliced crosswise and rinsed well
• 3 tablespoons all-purpose flour
• 1 pinch of freshly grated nutmeg
• Coarse salt and freshly ground pepper
• Extra-virgin olive oil
• 1 cup watercress, trimmed
• 1/2 teaspoon fresh lemon juice

INSTRUCTIONS

1. Place potato in a bowl of cold water, and let soak for 10 minutes.
2. Drain well in a salad spinner or squeeze in a clean kitchen towel to remove excess water.
3. Combine potato, leek, flour, nutmeg, 3/4 teaspoon salt, and 1/4 teaspoon pepper.
4. Heat 2 tablespoons oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium heat.
5. Scatter potato mixture in skillet, and press lightly with a spatula to make sure it holds together.
6. Cook until underside is golden, about 6 minutes. Flip.
7. Raise heat to medium-high. Cook until underside is golden, 4 to 5 minutes.
8. Turn out galette.
9. Toss watercress with lemon juice and 1 1/2teaspoons oil, and place on top of galette. Slice into 8 wedges.